Week 5 A.K.A. X Mas

 I did a lot of running around for X Mas this week.  

I still got in a fair amount of work to! Plus!

The job search has lagged but I have been trying to tie up any lose ends I have for gotten before I leave..

I had a nice X Mas though

From Dustin:  

From Dad:

A donation towards my Kindle and Gift Cards (including my latest addiction Papa Murphy's)!

From Mom:

My awesome cover

and the Kindle Fire! 

YAY!

I was great to see my family and I had  a great weekend.

Dustin and I have a tradition to go to 2 movies on X Mas day

This year was:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which was AMAZING!

I can't wait for the next 2 I need to get to reading!

Tin Tin which visially AMAZING but I felt the story was slow 

but 

I feel I will grow to love it after the next 2.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Do you ever feel like everyone else is planning your life.
One thing I hate is trying to be fixed!
I may be cracked but not broken!

I have gone through rough times before but I will figure it out!
The goodbyes have been hard but I know all of my clients will be fine.
 I will be forgotten before long...
I know that this wasn't the best laid plan but I had enough.
I'm an adult...
In theory and can made this choice on my own.
I am not sure what to do but will try different things to find what fits me.
My job has been poisoning me for years.

Changes

I gave my two weeks notice...  Friday.  

 It was a long time coming. 

 I need to move on but two of my co workers aren't ready.  

The main reason my exit was hasten (meaning without a other position prepared)
was because they wanted me to work with someone I couldn't go back to. 

 Two co worker has offered to work with said person for me so I can stay.

I need to move on and it was hard enough  giving my notice today. 

I thought the hard part would be to tell my clients I'm leaving, I didn't bet on the staff.

I took a week of  internal searching to leave today.

The hardest part of leaving is the fact that it will cause a need for other decisions...

That I will mull over later!
I have been planing for what to do so not  fall even further into my whirl wind depression.
Honestly it is a very good thing that I was raised Catholic so exiting this world at own hand is not on the table due to the threat of eternal damnation
and
I'm to pretty to die!

Week 4

This one is very tentive because this week got away from me

 so

 Wednesday  and Thursday I filled in the best I could!

Things I've heard Part 2

I'm sure I have forgotten some but these are some of the recent audio book.

The Beach House By Jane Green

I really enjoyed this one.

Jane did a great job of making the beach house itself a character

Dune Road By Jane Green

I really enjoyed how she had many different types of women of different life's coming together.

Swapping Lives By Jane Green

A great grass is greener on the other side story.

Blue Christmas by Mary Kay Andrews

I enjoyed this one but I think I need to read the rest in series to truly appreciate it.

Deep Dish by Mary Kay Andrews

Romance and food... What more could I want in a book?

Sleeping Arrangement's by Madeleine Wickham

This one was alright but some of the characters choice were less then desirable!

The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

I started with The Blue Shoes of Happiness and fallen in love with Mma Makutsi, Mma Ramotswe and Mr. JLB Matekoni.

The Double Comfort Safari Club by Alexander McCall Smith

Another winner.

It Had to Be You By Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I really enjoyed the story of the dog.

Funny and witty!

Dogs and Goddess by Jennifer Cruise

Feeds my girly needs.

Manhunting by Jennifer Cruise

Week 3

So this is week 3 if you are wondering what happens with all my time.

This isn't exact but it's close enough.

I was sick this week so I didn't work as much as I usually do.

Freedom?

So I was told by my boss that I have to start seeing a client that I swore I would NEVER work with again.

The original plan was if they pushed I would just quit.

I now feel this option was eliminated when my boyfriend got fired from his job (of 10 years).

I can't go into any detail about my client due to HIPAA.

I can say I AM DONE with said client!

The problem though is that if I quit I won't get any unemployment.

I don't want to anything that could result in being fired.

I have been there for 4 years in January & would feel bad and I have a clean back round thus far.

Do I give up on my personal belief & cave for the money & this hellish haven I have made.

To be honest the only thing keeping me in Pittsburg is Dustin & he has said before that the reason he stays is he was worried that he would get paid as mu ch if he left his job...

But that's out of equation.

I believe that he doesn't want to leave because this is were he ran off to make his start so he doesn't feel a need to do it again.

In short our clashing of life experience have finally clashed since he is 7 hours ahead of me.

Pittsburg is good for college and families.

I don't want children.

Pittsburg was fun when I was in college but I have graduated & it's time for life!

If I leave work I will be replaced.

If I Leave:

-Sadly I am not a snow flack my other clients won't remember me, hell some forget who I am weekly anyway.

-I won't be trapped in a profession I didn't intend to be my career

-Dustin might not come with me

-I could start anywhere

If I stay:

-I have a job

-I'm helping others

-NOTHING WILL EVER CHANCE

- I will compromise myself by doing something I said I wouldn't

Week 2

Well my social life has been bombing yay but as always the money will run out and I will go back to my lonely self! Until then party on!

Here is the 2nd week of tracking my time!

This is a tentative outline of my time.

I'm still not sure where my life is going but I have put in a massive amount of applications so here is hoping!

Maybe the winds of change will blow my way!

WTF TIme!

In a attempt to save myself from this pit of worthlessness and depression I call life, I have been reading this book and have gotten some great information but still need to finish it...

One thing it suggested was to chart your time to see what time you really do with it!

So I have been charting all my doings and color coded so it must be amazing.

I think I could keep doing this for a while. So lucky you get to see where my time goes...

Spoiler!

Hulu takes a lot of the time...

Well I need to chart this blogging so until next time!

... Life as I know It.

One of my current complaints in life is my current location of Pittsburg, KS. The boyfriend things I'm foolish because... I don't remember why but I don't agree. What the boyfriend doesn't understand my staying here is a sign of failure!

Pittsburg was and is a Pitt stop!

By staying here I haven't moved on from the chapter in my life marked

"College Life"!

I just feel paralyzed... Though my crippling depression hasn't been a great motivator.

I feel the worst for the boyfriend because he gets the "crazy bottled up Alexis."

I spend my days pushing aside my crushed hopes and dreams to help my clients

(of the mentally ill variety).

I can build their confident, relocation and convince some there is a reason to live. Then I listen to audio books between clients to keep my mind off me.

Then go home and allow an extreme range of emotion wash over me.

So I guess this is another shout out to my black hole of followers online.

Thank you for you loyalty!

Work work work...

I find my self frustrated with work lately. Between diffcutly communicating between co-workers ane other stuff hippa forbids me to blog about.

I find it interesting having a job with muiltiple

Things I've heard.

I do really enjoy listening to audio books while I work on art, between clients my sorry excuse for quilting. I haven't blog a lot lately so I have a lot of books to talk about.

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

Best Friends Forever: A Novel by Jennifer Weiner

A Change In Altitude: A Novel by Anita Shreve

Can You Keep a Secret? by Sophie Kinsella

Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella

The Fixer Upper by Mary Kay Andrews

God Save the Sweet Potato Queens by Jill Conner Browne

The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love by Jill Conner Browne

The Grand Finale by Janet Evanovich

Back to the Bedroom by Janet Evanovich

Plum Lucky by Janet Evanovich

One For the Money by Janet Evanovich

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer, Annie Barrows

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Naked by David Wroblewski

These High Green Hills By Jan Karon

Realizations

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

-Joseph Campbell

Dustin has been trying to tell me something to this power for going on a year now.

Ever since I graduated and got the post graduation blues.

It's funny how it takes seeing a show spouts out this Joseph Campbell quote and I realize what everyone in my life has been telling me for a year now could be true?

...

I need to be happy and just live.

I mean look at the life I planned:

Single and living in Baltimore MD working for some kind of designing firm.

The Life I Live:

Living with Dustin and Natasha (happily).

Working for C.C.M.H.

I may have fallen into this job

but

a lot of people can't say they found something they are good at?

The import thing is that I'm am the foremost an artist.

The most import thing to do is to keep creating wether it is

Tentacle women or

Gnomes!

I just need to get myself out there.

All of these thoughts are true but I why don't I feel any better?

I still feel like a failure for not leaving Pittsburg...

Small Still Lives

To most I am the nick nack queen! What others don't understand is that most of the items I own are more sentimental. They either are from someone I care for or remind me people or place I care about. I like to create little still lives around my home.

On my DVD player.

1. A Frog I made

2. A Flower Frog

3. A Tiny Moses Statue (Michelanglo)

4. Toy Gator
(I enjoy how when you place it beside Moses his dignified look seems more terrified.
I mean if you were thrown in the Nile you would have a croc complex.)

1. A plastic statue of the Virgin Mary (a woman I adore).

2. A porm crosage (my dear friend Josh Rommelfanger gave me)

3. A hula girl (from a kitch project)

4. My fathers senior picture

5.A chess piece (I think a bishop)

from a Youth Group lesson at Baldwin 1st United Methodist

6. A feather I found shortly after my dear Cal died

(His wife told me if I found any feathers it was just Cal watching over me and knowing him he has fine wings of grey feathers).

7. Two tiny owls that I got... Sometime.

I know it was a trip but it currently escapes me where I was.

8. I don't know where I found this little deer but

I just adore it and the tiny sunflower I got a craft store

(it just fit perfectly with the deer)

9. I got this tiny church in Peru.

10. A little girl I played with in Peru

(during a mission trip)

gave me this as a good bye gift.

1. A windmill I got for an art project to depict wind power.

2. A bottle of Inca Cola from Peru.

3. A Kaleidoscope my art buddy Ashley "Palomino" Powell gave me for my birthday.

4. A candle holder my Mother gave me.

5. A ceramic I painted at Sunfire Ceramics for scouts I think?

I got this in Jenks, Ok on Dustin's (my boyfriend)

and

I's first vacation together.

Escape Plans

I finally made it to Baltimore Md to confirm it is where I belong...

It didn't really feel right.

So it is time for a new dream and that is easier said then done. I have no idea what to do now because I have no idea what I want to do with my life!

I've thought about France... The problem is I once thought the world to be exciting and...

Well magical.

Since graduating I have learned that the world is full of bills and disappointing.

I want to feel same way I once did.

For example that the Mona Lisa holds a secret that can only be unlocked by gazing at it.

Now I laugh at the thought, what did I expect her bend down and whisper her secret.

I need to adapt to adulthood starting with ...

Does anyone know?

Fabric Flower Mania!

I recently took a quilting class from the fine women of B and T Studio.

We learned how to make some lovely fabric flower and have kept making more!

The ones from the class are not included but hopefully it will be featured here soon.

In the mean time here are some flowers I have made from scraps.

I also added one to a koozy I made to fit the cream soda bottles.

Once I locate or buy another cream soda bottle I will give you a demonstration of it in use!

I really enjoyed this class and the company there wasn't so bad either!

I've made a lot of these flowers on my down time at work

(I have to set in a ton of waiting rooms).