Saturday, January 29, 2011

Jerks Can Be Cause For Change

Last night Dustin and I went out for our anniversary so went to a resturant we love (when we have some extra cash) Mythos.
Where the waiter was a total DICK! Dustin thinks I'm being silly," of course he wasn't as polite to us because if he butters us up we won't get the $80 bottle of wine." I feel we should have still gotten respect. I think he was ageist! He was chatty with the other tables and boxed up their food while THORWING our boxes on ours and frankly it made me feel like shit!

Yesterday I decided I'm hitting the ground hard from now on.
I'm not really happy where I am right now and only I can change that. Baltimore maybe further then the freaking moon currently but it can wait. Mom and I are going on a road trip there in the spring and I can see first hand if it is really the dream place for me. For now I need to find smaller changes.
I go through phase with job hunting hitting the ground running and then nothing.
I'm back to hitting it hard! I'm so tired of everyone here saying
I will never leave.

Clients, SKIL Workers Co workers they all keep saying it!
It's giving me nightmares!

The main anchor keeping me here is Dustin.
I do really love him. Before him (I hate to admit this) the guys I saw were either disposable or I knew would leave me soon enough. How do I know they would leave me because people are incredibly predictable! Then one drunken Halloween I met Dustin who wasn't trying to wait our relationship out for sex but really was smitten with me. So totally destroyed my plan of dump whoever I was with when I graduated and get the

If I do move Dustin and I always say we will cross that bridge when we get there. If he does move with me I feel like I'm ripping him from the habitat he has built for himself. His circle of friend mostly. That's why when I ask if could move anywhere he really doesn't have an answer because he has made Pitt his.

I am not able to make this town mine. It was meant to be a temporary stop and I am looking for an out the issue right now is looking for a realistic out. I have been only applying for jobs that I feel would go well with my degree.
The problem with this is the fact that they want 2-6 years experience or are out of town and see that Pittsburg address and say no way.

I mean I could easily move back with Mom and get a job in Lawrence either back at the movie theater or the Noodle Factory (through a friend). I really don't think I could deal with living with my mothers boyfriend and I fear getting into the same rut that I'm into here. Getting comfortable with my current job and being afraid to leave. Yes that is the truth that I rarely speak a loud that I'm terrified to leave mental health. I don't really know why it scares me so much.
Maybe the unknown of it all but I use to live for the unknown.
What happened to me?

Maybe I need to figure out who I am post college?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Here I am

Here we are me and Natasha..
Stuck in Pitt...
Hope is quickly dwindling.
At work I was sent to a training and the main point of it was hope for recovery.
How can I be any help to clients when my hope is gone?
Dustin read an article a while ago I may have mentioned it before that talks about how my generation was promised greatness and easy riding by going to college but freakly that isn't the case at all.
Hence the massive number of post college blues. I feel paralyzed, stuck in one place not moving forward but at least I'm not falling backwards either which would be living out of my car
... Again.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Love Hate

How can a a game pull me in and then slam me down and leave me begging for more.
I just finished Assassins Creed Brotherhood. I haven't 100% it yet but that I'm sure that will occur soon enough. For those who don't know "gamer me" I have to 100% games to feel whole! LOL!
I find the controls superior because of the controls y controls head, hands are x and b and a controls feet.

The premise is great as well. I have always loved the thought of the world having a seedy secret underbelly.
It is one of the reasons that I love Indianan Jones and want to join Daughters of Job (it's the closest to a a assassin or Templar I will ever get?)
The ending was amazing I want to play just to experience it again.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Training! Day 2

I slept amazingly last night. I have been this at piece when I went to bed! I wasn't listing or stressed. I guess I need to move into a Hampton and have someone else foot the bill To truly Align Centerrest peacefully!
I attended the first half of my case management class taught by the kiwi Paul Liddy.
Everyone was really nice and I guess learned... Something.
To start the class out we went around the room and talked about why we work in this field... Compared to everyone else I feel like a fraud. I guess I don't have the passion for my work that the others do? It makes me wonder how I fell into this work? Maybe it related to the fact that I didn't split like the others when things got hard (financially or mentally work wise).
Don't get me wrong this whole trip is a testament of their kindness. They didn't have to get use a room at the Hampton or give us a food budget (but they DID and I LOVE them for IT). They even told us to stay off the roads if its too bad tomorrow.
I might be projecting my feelings of not belonging on my class mates.
It wouldn't be the first time.
Isn't that what life is finding some place to belong?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


For the next two days I am off at a training.
It is wonderful!
I get to stay in a nice hotel and get out of town. Which help fulfill my need for a little change now and then.
Anywho it is so nice to lay on my feather pillows.

This isn't not my most exciting post but I thought I would send my thoughts into my black hole blog. So good night galaxy far far away who find this and build a religion around me.
Side note I don't prefer virgin sacrifices but bejeweling turtle is totally acceptable.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I have been off the radar for a little while mainly due to the fact that I keep getting sick and I didn't have my own internet connection and I really prefer blogging on my new computer
(like some kind of home turf thing).
So first I was getting anemia and then bronchitis followed by a gastric virus!
I'm feeling better today.

Well in the main time catching up on Deadwood

Veronica Mars?

I have a five disc DVD players and I like to have things in common. Like both the TV series have Kristen Bell in them.

Mainly dealing with an actor I really like.
That enough babbling for now.