Saturday, January 29, 2011

Jerks Can Be Cause For Change

Last night Dustin and I went out for our anniversary so went to a resturant we love (when we have some extra cash) Mythos.
Where the waiter was a total DICK! Dustin thinks I'm being silly," of course he wasn't as polite to us because if he butters us up we won't get the $80 bottle of wine." I feel we should have still gotten respect. I think he was ageist! He was chatty with the other tables and boxed up their food while THORWING our boxes on ours and frankly it made me feel like shit!

Yesterday I decided I'm hitting the ground hard from now on.
I'm not really happy where I am right now and only I can change that. Baltimore maybe further then the freaking moon currently but it can wait. Mom and I are going on a road trip there in the spring and I can see first hand if it is really the dream place for me. For now I need to find smaller changes.
I go through phase with job hunting hitting the ground running and then nothing.
I'm back to hitting it hard! I'm so tired of everyone here saying
I will never leave.

Clients, SKIL Workers Co workers they all keep saying it!
It's giving me nightmares!

The main anchor keeping me here is Dustin.
I do really love him. Before him (I hate to admit this) the guys I saw were either disposable or I knew would leave me soon enough. How do I know they would leave me because people are incredibly predictable! Then one drunken Halloween I met Dustin who wasn't trying to wait our relationship out for sex but really was smitten with me. So totally destroyed my plan of dump whoever I was with when I graduated and get the

If I do move Dustin and I always say we will cross that bridge when we get there. If he does move with me I feel like I'm ripping him from the habitat he has built for himself. His circle of friend mostly. That's why when I ask if could move anywhere he really doesn't have an answer because he has made Pitt his.

I am not able to make this town mine. It was meant to be a temporary stop and I am looking for an out the issue right now is looking for a realistic out. I have been only applying for jobs that I feel would go well with my degree.
The problem with this is the fact that they want 2-6 years experience or are out of town and see that Pittsburg address and say no way.

I mean I could easily move back with Mom and get a job in Lawrence either back at the movie theater or the Noodle Factory (through a friend). I really don't think I could deal with living with my mothers boyfriend and I fear getting into the same rut that I'm into here. Getting comfortable with my current job and being afraid to leave. Yes that is the truth that I rarely speak a loud that I'm terrified to leave mental health. I don't really know why it scares me so much.
Maybe the unknown of it all but I use to live for the unknown.
What happened to me?

Maybe I need to figure out who I am post college?

No comments:

Post a Comment